We’ve all done it. Wandered into a café because it looked Insta-worthy, taken one sip and realised the terrazzo tiles were doing more work than the barista.
And at $7 a pop, if your coffee is more charcoal than caffeine you’re probably not leaving a five-star Google review or even reaching the bottom of your KeepCup.
While city dwellers have a myriad of great coffee choices on their doorstep, sometimes it can be a little more difficult to find the perfect drop when travelling the regions.
We’re well aware that the first hit of caffeine in the morning is not something to be taken lightly, so here’s our seven telltale signs to help you choose a café like a coffee snob (without actually becoming one).
1. The Barista Has a Top Knot, Tattoos and Opinions About Beans
Let’s get one thing straight: a top knot does not automatically equal good coffee. But there is something to be said for the baristas who look like they take their craft seriously.
The best coffee makers are part scientist, part artist. They know their beans, understand extraction, and care about the tiny details that turn a regular flat white into something worth remembering.
Before you judge a café by its décor, take a look behind the machine. A barista who can talk you through their beans and cares about their grinder settings and looks like they’d happily debate the merits of a single-origin espresso is usually a good sign.
We’re not saying this is a rule, but if your barista looks like they could moonlight as a musician, mountain climber or someone who has strong opinions about single-origin beans, there’s a good chance your coffee is going to be above average.
2. They Serve Black Coffee, Cold Drip and Batch Brew
This one might ruffle a few feathers.
A beautifully made latte can hide a multitude of sins, but black coffee has nowhere to hide.
If you notice people ordering espresso, long blacks, cold brew or batch brew, there’s a decent chance the beans are worth talking about.
Of course, we’re not saying you need to abandon your oat milk latte (we would never ask such a thing). But watching what the locals order can sometimes reveal a lot.
3. The Espresso Machine Looks as Expensive As A Small Car
You don’t need to know the difference between a ristretto and a lungo to spot a serious coffee setup.
The best cafés invest in quality equipment because great coffee starts with consistency. If the machine has been lovingly polished, meticulously maintained and the bench behind it is spotless, chances are the team takes just as much pride in what’s poured into your cup.
Like any high-performance machine, an espresso machine is only as good as the person behind it. If a café has invested in equipment that looks like it could rival the price tag of a small hatchback, and it’s treated with the same level of care, there’s a good chance they take their coffee seriously.
4. The Coffee Menu Is Written on a Peg Letter Board
There’s something about a peg letter board that just screams specialty coffee. Maybe it’s the minimalist aesthetic. Maybe it’s the fact it’s announcing this month’s single-origin Ethiopian roast.
While the humble peg board itself doesn’t guarantee an exceptional drop, cafés that proudly display their coffee offering, rather than treating it as a footnote beneath the brunch menu, are usually taking their brew seriously.
5. The Menu Is Lean
It might sound counterintuitive, but some of the best coffee spots keep things refreshingly simple. Instead of a five-page menu and a cabinet overflowing with every pastry imaginable, you’ll often find just a handful of baked goods, a few toasties and a slice of banana bread that sells out by lunchtime.
Why? Because the real star of the show is the coffee.
Coffee snobs know that sometimes the best cafés aren’t the ones with the biggest menus. They’re the ones that know exactly what they’re famous for.
It’s not a hard-and-fast rule (we’d never turn our nose up at a café serving a cracking brunch), but if the pastry cabinet is small and the coffee queue is long, you’re probably onto a winner.
6. The Milk Isn’t An Afterthought
Whether you drink dairy, oat or almond, milk should complement the coffee rather than overpower it.
Silky microfoam, latte art and the right temperature all suggest someone behind the machine knows exactly what they’re doing.
7. Locals Are Willing to Queue For It
The biggest clue you’ve found a great café? The locals are already there.
Not the people taking a photo of their iced matcha from three angles. The regulars. The tradies grabbing their morning coffee. The parents doing school drop-off. The person who clearly knows the staff by name.
A loyal local following is often the best review a café can get.
Especially when you’re travelling. Google reviews can tell you what visitors think, but the regulars tell you what’s actually good.
The Consensus
Becoming a coffee connoisseur isn’t about correcting people who order cappuccinos after 10am or insisting everyone should drink their coffee black.
It’s about noticing the little things. The barista who geeks out over beans. The espresso machine polished within an inch of its life. The locals lining up before work. The tiny menu that proudly puts coffee centre stage.
Pay attention to those clues, and you’ll spend less time sipping burnt disappointment and more time discovering cafés you’ll happily detour for.
